Friday, March 5, 2010
Like Avatar, it can be summed up as such: "PRETTY but PREDICTABLE." Making it "PRETTY PREDICTABLE."
It's eye/ear-candy, but not... satisfying. Should we start with the positive? Ok.
JOHNNY DEPP was... a pretty nice-looking hatter. His lines and delivery sometimes was reminiscent of a Jack-Sparrow-ish tone. But crazy pirates and hatters are quite alike. He did what was required of him in that role, nothing amazing or wildly witty or dazzlingly deep.
I WAS ENTRANCED BY HIS WHITE MASCARA. Seriously. The whole movie, I was just staring at his beautiful eyelashes.
That's all. And his eyebrows. And sometimes his eyes.
so you can see --> this movie's like a glittery, alluring, wonderfully wrapped-up box. With intricate bows and beautiful little ribbons. But when you open it up----- it's just some lint, some cotton balls, maybe some spare change... some chewed gum. Not completely empty. Just... fluff.
But (smacks self)...
WHO WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER AGAIN?
(please hold while I look up the actress' name)
Mia Wasikowska. Thank you IMDB.
Apparently she's set for Jane Eyre next. I think she'll make a lovely Jane. She's perfect for that role... just not as Alice. (oh right. i'm supposed to be focusing on the positives here). Her dresses were absolutely LOVELY. [Though the shrinking/growing/changing clothes explanations did not make sense at all. The clothes sometimes shrank with her, sometimes they didn't. ok ok POSITIVE]
Alan Rickman's voice as the catepillar was quite lovely as well. It was a little hard not to think "Snape" while he spoke. But I suppose that's with all these well-known actors. Johnny Depp too.
THE CAT WAS FANTASTIC. "Ches" I believe they called him. He was about the most faithful thing to the original in the entire movie. Nice smile. Purrrrrrrrr.
-------Now for the [real] bashing:
The predictability. OH. GOD. Why tell us "Alice, you're destined to slay the Jabberwocky" in the beginning, and remind us throughout the entire movie, and then expect us to enjoy the story? It would've been nice to at least have some exciting events happen along the way, to entertain us to this predetermined ending.
The LACK OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. I hate it. We don't learn anything about Alice's fiance. Or her mother. Or these random people who show up at the beginning+ending of the movie. Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum as well. In fact, no character was well-developed, not even Alice herself. (Mia's acting definitely contributed to this). The best developed was definitely the Hatter, since he was treated as some sort of Aslan to Wonderland. (The caterpillar as well, but he got significantly less screentime).
Anne Hathaway's hands. Sorry. Not that big of a deal. They just annoyed me, as she constantly swirled them around in the air. Her fake British accent didn't, which was strange but nice. (kudos to her)
The end feeling. Watching the entire movie felt like a trailer for the original story. I WANT THEM TO MAKE A VERSION OF THE ORIGINAL PLEASE. There were flashbacks and references... and they began the movie as a sequel, essentially, to a non-existent version (which I found so much more interesting).
Most of all, it left us asking "so what?" That's not a question to ask after Alice in Wonderland. Alice in Wonderland is philosophical. It has bits of wisdom. "An eye for an eye" as demonstrated subtly (though not executed very well) in the movie. Questioning reality vs. dreamworld. Those ideas were present. They didn't have much of an impact because the focus was the visually stimulating special effects, the OOH LA LA colors and frilly dresses.
There was a bit of dialogue that struck me as strange. It sounded, word-for-word, like a script I wrote for the Godot project in lit class. SO NOW. If this movie dialogue sounds like my high school no-effort Lit script, you know it's bad.
The scene from the movie went something along the lines of:
Alice: This is all a dream. I'm going to wake up any moment now.
Hatter: A dream eh? So I do not exist?
Alice: I'm afraid so. You're just a figment of my imagination.
Hatter: That's quite sad. Though you'd have to be half-mad to dream such a half-mad character.
And my script:
WALTER: I told you. I don’t want to be here. I shouldn’t be here. I’m NOT HERE! YOU HEAR ME?
FRISBEE: So what am I? A pigment of your imagination?
WALTER: [sigh] Figment, yes.
FRISBEE: Oh. Well, that’s troubling.
WALTER: What is?
FRISBEE: Being a pig-fig-newton-fig-dammit-
WALTER: Fine, you can be.
FRISBEE: AHA! So you admit that I’m here… which means you are, too. Gotchya!
Oh goodness. How obnoxiously large this post is.
*PSST. ONE LAST THING I SWEAR. There's a technique in literature, movies, any story-telling. It's called (and this is only my name for it) echoing. Basically, as you can guess, it's repeating the same lines from the beginning of the story later on. It's supposed to be effective, bring the story full-circle and whatnot.
Burton - or the scriptwriters rather - attempted to do this. It failed.
The first time the scene took place, between Alice and her father, it was touching.
Alice: Am I mad?
Father: Yes, I'm afraid so. Off your rocker, you are. But I'll let you in on a secret.
Father: Only the best ones are.
The "echo" was Alice saying this to the Mad Hatter. Mia W-hatsherlastname failed to deliver the lines to achieve a successful full-circle effect. It was obvious that the writers attempted an "echo" there, but, like some female Olympic snowboarders on the half-pipe... they flipped and fell and FAILED. Alice was just reading lines we've heard before. There was no new meaning to these statements, which is the purpose of the echo. NEW PERSPECTIVE MAN, that's what you lacked.
okay that's it. goodnight.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
-- Here's an image-that-could-possibly-mean-something: (symbol? or more so allegory? BAH LITERARY TERMS. Here are some words that I felt like saying.)
Gym volleyball. The first group I'm in, the choose-your-own type, fails epically. We simply cannot pass the ball. We're scared to hit, and we watch as the ball flies over to the bleachers. Someone picks it up, dares to serve, and starts another futile attempt... only to hear it thud again. This is frustrating. Hair-pulling, teeth-grinding, OHMYGOD frustrating.
Then come the official teams. I'm oddly put with the jocks, those massively towering, back-slapping, guys who are good at just about any sport (you name it). And, of course, they can hit the ball. We actually have fluid games, back-and-forth, long, nice, volleys. Except... I don't hit the ball. I stand on the side and watch, helplessly. I occasionally bump it over, or maybe hit it awkwardly and end the rally, but for the most part, it's all them. The only real contribution I make to the team is serving. See, I can start a rally---and end one, just as easily. It's the middle banter I can't handle.
Sometimes the ball just lands in a place you can't hit. Or other times, it's aimed straight at you, but the angle it hits is just... wrong. Or maybe you should've, could've gotten it, but you really didn't feel like putting the effort. No matter what, you feel more and more useless, boring, bored. You can't keep a volleyball going. But if you sit back, and let everyone else do the bump/set-ing, then, hey-presto, you've got a game.
And the game finally works... because you're not in it.
(You're sorry that "I" became you in the last two paragraphs. You didn't mean the actual you reading this. You meant "I" for "you." But You-actually-you understood that. You're sorry. It's just a bad habit you have.)
Friday, January 22, 2010
I'm in a particularly festive Mardi Gras mood...Here's another Coke Commercial, adding on to Linda. I'm also going to improv and say what i say and mean what i say...and say what i mean. Anyway here's the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1NnyE6DDnQ I was in the vending machine at Psyop Studio in Manhattan when I met one of the tech directors who worked on this hunk of beauty. Doesn't itm mmake you go ooh ahhh? Yo uwanna sha-sha-sha-shake ittttt ;D
I should really get back into my vending machine, in case someone sees me typing on this computer, then I will endanger my fellow Quaker oat products and we'd have to escape on balloon boats and paddle with the oars we made out of the tooth picks we stole from Panda Express. We're we would go, no one knows. After all, we're only glucose snack products, we don't think that far with our chocolate chips and honey oat grains. Bermuda? Maybe. Sweden? Perhaps. We'd go as far as our four corners could carry us.
By the way, I have an obsession with pancakes. I know we're different foods, but I just can't help it, their fluffy golden exteriors are just to be digested for. Here are beautiful pancake music videos that I rediscovered (liveaction/ stop motion animation):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UG5gO4nlLRQ Pancakes II
Well kids, the Improv show is tonight, so in celebration of the spontaneity and randomness of teenagers, I will write and complete this blog post without ever going back to make an y corrections or add ins. Well today we were reviewing volumes in calculus, and as I sat in the computer hallway eating a cheese cube, I thought about what solid I could create if i rotated a cube around the x-axis. then i realized that the period was almost over and that I should finish eating my lunch before I end up wasting more food.
Well, that's it folks!
(Completely unrelated to Loona. I know, I get it a lot...)
Just wanted to test this out! You know, posting to a blog under a different account. SO EXCITING RIGHT? YEAH.
Well, I guess, to make this post actually worthwhile (though it's probably not possible), Soph--spamburger showed me this awesome coke commercial:
(weird URL, that ^ vid)
K ENJOY BYE
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I am going to switch to another language.
Ymay inguisticlay angeray, oweverhay, isway eryvay imitedlay.
Y no puedo/quiero escribir en china, entonces, tengo 3 lenguas.
Anyways, I spent this lovely day doing absolutely
Pero yo no necesito explicar lo obvio.
This is surprisingly quite fun and painful to write.
Andway ithway atthay, I'mway oinggay otay ogay.
There were a lot of "gays" in that line (I'm not homophobic --
Iway ovelay aysgay. Otnay inway atthay ayway.)
Bueno. Voy a salir. Ahora.
Til next time.
iAy Dios Mio! Dice "ebay" en la palabra "adios" de latinporcina, como "dios" en "adios."
Ebay = God?
Anywaysway, Iway illway admitway atthay Iway idday useway isthay.
Bueno. ADIOS -- o mejor -- A EBAY